6 Reasons Some INFJs Hate Themselves
It isn’t uncommon for most of us to hate ourselves from time to time for reasons like self-image or making mistakes. For an INFJ however, these occasional doubts can be particularly intense. An INFJ can be their own worst enemy. When self-sabotaging, they put themselves down.
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They hold themselves to standards that they’d never expect anyone else to endure. They overthink, they self-criticize and bash their own needs and preferences. No matter the success, they don’t believe it’s remotely adequate. There can be a number of reasons for these feelings but here are 6 common reasons some INFJ’s hate themselves.
1. THEY HAVE A MIND THAT IS TOO CRITICAL
It's not necessarily a terrible thing to have a critical mind. Some may even be praised for it. For example, it enhances problem-solving skills of an individual. Because critical thinkers are naturally interested, opportunities to put their critical thinking skills to use are all around them.
They are constantly on the lookout for opportunities to apply their best thinking habits to any given situation. However, on a microscopic level, their critical thinking judges and critiques their own behavior, posture, tone of voice, status, and relationships.
Their excessive criticism might even be destructive. They can begin comparing themselves to other people as soon as they enter a public space. They could be talking to themselves and saying things such as, "I shouldn't have said that. Did I look like I was glaring? Why didn't I walk up to them and introduce myself? Was it the wrong time for me to smile?. Couldn't I have come up with a better set of questions?” And the worst thing is it never ends.
2. THEY HAVE VERY HIGH EXPECTATIONS
Perfectionism is a common trait among INFJs. Perfectionism, like a nagging shadow, makes the INFJ personality feel compelled to achieve excellent outcomes in everything they do. Ironically, INFJs feel pressured by the pressure they put on themselves.
INFJs despise failure because they are perfectionists, ambitious, and often high achievers. Add in their ambitious ideals and they’ve got a recipe for self-sabotage. They have great expectations for themselves, desiring to make a positive impact on the world.
Because of their strong sense of purpose, the INFJ places a heavy burden on themselves. In reality, they desire the ideal of everything. Of course, high expectations and disappointment come hand in hand.
Disappointment is, in and of itself, a painful feeling and could interfere with any positive thoughts. The INFJ's life motto could be "I should have done better." It takes them a long time to realize that acceptance leads to contentment.
3. THEY BOTTLE UP NEGATIVE EMOTIONS THEN EXPLODE
They can adjust to other people's views and enjoy being a source of comfort, being natural empaths. But If they believe they have been wronged, they will lash out.
It's usually after a string of little setbacks has worn them down and their patience has run dry. They prefer to keep the peace rather than inform someone they've been harmed by them, therefore they tend to bottle up negative emotions.
However, they, like any other person, can only take so much before the frustration powder keg explodes - and it's generally nasty. Concealing their feelings and refusing to let others see their struggles and tribulations can be very draining and exhausting.
Afterwards, they feel bad and blame themselves for rambling even if their point is right. They may struggle to open up again to another person if they do this, especially if the response is a negative one.
4. THEY HAVE A DESIRE FOR CONTROL
An INFJ who is in charge of their life is a happy INFJ. INFJs want to know what will happen ahead of time because change and unpredictability can stress them out (due to their nature as perfectionists).
They are notorious for keeping calendars and planners, as well as obsessing over to-do lists. Before attending any social gathering, they like to know the exact time, venue, and number of guests. As a result, when an INFJ lacks control over a situation, they become stressed. It's possible that they'll grow restless.
They become panicked because they are unprepared, and they are unable to operate when they are unprepared. Life, unfortunately, is unpredictable, as we all know. Uncertainties will always exist. INFJs can't plan for everything, no matter how hard they try and that is what constantly keeps them on the edge of their seats.
5. THEY ARE MOODY
INFJs are aware of when they should be on their best behavior, but they are easily misled by how they are feeling at the time. INFJs may appear composed on the outside, but they're a jumble of complex feelings on the inside.
When something bothers them, it's usually obvious, but that doesn't guarantee they'll want to talk about it. INFJs have a tendency to push others away and throw pity parties. Certainly, they'd like someone to rely on, but they often believe that even if they did open up, most people wouldn't understand them.
INFJs can even confuse themselves sometimes with what they actually want. People around them may not be aware of it and that’s what INFJs hate because they can’t express themselves fully. INFJs, like other introverted personalities, require alone time to sort through their emotions and understand why they feel the way they do.
6. THEY KEEP PEOPLE OUT
It's possible that INFJs are afraid of appearing vulnerable. They're afraid of hurting themselves. It's also worth noting that INFJs are extremely emotional and sensitive people who suffer greatly when they are offended.
And they bear the wounds of the event, whether it occurred yesterday or five years ago. Everything is a significant moment. It's all quite upsetting. And to protect themselves, they shut their doors on people.
INFJs keep their distance from others because they are terrified of rejection and being wounded again. The worry of being hurt again stems from INFJs' sentimental nature, which causes them to hate themselves for it.
They might want to find a friend that they can open up to but their minds would tell them not to trust that person. INFJs never really want to be alone but because of their overthinking, it could affect how they interact with people in the future.
It’s not such a bad thing to be wary but keeping people out without even giving them a chance can be worrying. Although INFJs have a dark side, they are also capable of immense love, generosity and empathy. And on most days, the wonderful aspect of them triumphs.
They just need to practice self-acceptance, eliminate negative thoughts, and substitute it with good ones. In this sometimes cruel world, it's not easy to be a highly emotional INFJ.